Why I Could Never Be A Model

Happy Memorial Day! I hope you all are enjoying the day off and taking some time to remember the true meaning of today. Now I know, I have been extremely absent from the blog lately…And I’m just going to throw out all my usual excuses: school, work, more school, did I mention school? I’m sending all my apologies for my absence here on Graceful Rags! But now back to the good stuff… Since I do photoshoots quite often and spend lots of time prancing around in front of a camera, I often wonder what it would be like if I were to become a model. I mean, getting dressed up fancy, having your hair and makeup done, and just strutting around in gorgeous clothes all day? Sounds like a dream come true! But then I remember…there are just *a few* things standing in my way. So, here are all the reasons I could never be a model—fashion model, runway model, or otherwise.

I’m extremely awkward in front of the camera. You know that feeling when you’re walking and you know someone is watching you and then you basically forget how to walk? Yah, that’s how I feel in front of the camera—like a deer in headlights. Instead of freezing, though, I just start acting extremely weird and throw my hands around in strange positions. Here’s a typical conversation between me and my photographer during any given photoshoot:

Me: I’m so awkward.

Also Me: What should I do with my hands?! [Puts them in a strange place]

Photographer: Definitely not that.

I smile too much. Models are always so sultry and mysterious looking, but I can’t help but *attempt* to smile in front of a camera. Being serious in that setting is just so unnatural for me! (Trust me, my passport photo where you’re not allowed to smile makes me look like a serial killer.) Which leads me to…

I have no pouting abilities. So if models don’t smile, then they pout, right? Or at least just have a serious or seductive face? Yep, I have confirmed many-a-times that that skill is not in my repertoire. No matter how many times I continue to try, I still just look constipated. So, uh, if anybody needs a model for a laxative brand…maybe I’m your gal.

I recycle poses. I lack all creativity when it comes to deciding what the heck to do with my body. Limbs? I certainly don’t know where to put them. During basically every photoshoot, I just rotate through:

• One hand on the hips
• One hand on the sunglasses
• If I’m not wearing sunglasses, one hand behind the ear
• Lean up against a wall with one foot up
• Stand straight on one leg and stick the other one out to the side

Yep, those are my 5 very original poses. And I’m sticking to them.

I definitely have “a side”. You know how sometimes people say they only want to be photographed on their “good side”? Well, in every. single. picture. of this blog post, my face is either totally facing or slightly tilted to my left. That lack of versatility certainly wouldn’t translate well into an editorial shoot for a magazine! You gotta work the angles as a model, but clearly I only work the right half of my face.

My hair lacks movement. For as long as I can remember, my hair has never just “fallen perfectly into place” and I’ve always been envious of those girls who run their hands through their hair only to have it fall beautifully disheveled onto their shoulders. Nope, if I tried to do that (and I have) I end up with tangles, an uneven part, and at least three chunks of hair sticking up in strange places. So yah, if during a photoshoot someone wanted to place a fan in front of me to get that “windblown” look, I would just end up with a bird’s nest on my head. Not a good look.

I have a bad habit of blinking right as the camera does. For whatever reason, I always decide to blink/change positions/speak right as the camera is clicking. I have just an endless amount of photos with my mouth half open. Or my eyes half closed. Or me tugging down shorts that are riding up. It’s just a struggle, ya know? My timing is impeccable—impeccably off.

So alas, I guess my “modeling days” will just remain on this little corner of the internet, where smiling is allowed (and encouraged, by the tagline at the end of every blog post) and being awkward is always welcome. Did you ever dream of being a model? Or better yet, did you ever watch America’s Next Top Model and think I certainly do NOT want to do that? Shoot me a comment below, and have a wonderful rest of your Monday.

Miles of smiles,

Grace

Blue Patterned Dress: Cabi Outlet, $40, debut on the blog // Leopard Flats: Target, $20 // Sunglasses: borrowed from my brother // Brown Belt: Cabi Clothing, $76 // Brown Circle Bag: Target, $40, debut on the blog