Category: Edgy

New Beginnings: Blessing or Burden?

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If you had asked me two weeks ago what I looked forward to most upon entering college life, I would have told you, “The chance to completely start over and meet new people.” But now? The most difficult part of college life is exactly that: the chance to completely start over and meet new people. Of all the days I spent daydreaming of going off on my own to a foreign place with foreign faces, I never considered just how hard it truly is to make friends. I’ve found myself wondering these past few days, is a new beginning really what I want? Or should I have listened to Daughtry’s catchy version of the cliché, be careful what you wish for? Continue reading “New Beginnings: Blessing or Burden?”

The Lifelong Search for Joy (Not Happiness)

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For a lot of teenagers, there’s nothing they want more than a shiny new car for their 16th birthday. Or at least, a shiny new piece of plastic that allows them to legally drive. Me on the other hand? I wanted absolutely nothing to do with driving—I loved the company of my parents as chauffeurs, and I never felt embarrassed by their presence. Most of all, I feared the power and responsibility of maneuvering a very expensive toy on the roads (especially with all the inattentive drivers who spend more time looking at their phones than their rearview mirrors). One of the first times I drove with my mom on a permit to obtain the required hours, my left leg twitched uncontrollably—and a lot. It felt numb by the time I made it to my destination! That’s how scared I felt.

Continue reading “The Lifelong Search for Joy (Not Happiness)”

Grieving Someone Who’s Still Alive

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I’ve always associated grief with those who have died—a kind of sickening permanence knowing you will never see a person again, share a laugh, or breathe the same air. But I never considered the different kind of heartache that comes with mourning the loss of a living person. Like someone very close to you who moved across the country and “got too busy” to stay in touch. Or a best friend for years who changed so much you didn’t recognize her anymore. Or a romantic significant other with broken hearts on either side, or the worse fate of breaking up while still in love, out of necessity (perhaps the one downside of college). Continue reading “Grieving Someone Who’s Still Alive”