Let’s get real today girls… I’m doing something a little different, sharing something a little controversial. Some might even call it—gasp!—scandalous. Today, I want to talk about those pairs of extra tissue we as women carry around all day. In particular, the itty bitty ones. I want to talk about BOOBS.
The media has us believing that boobs should be big and plump in order to be beautiful; to be seen as attractive, especially in the eyes of men, we have to have a great rack. But girls, I’m here to tell you and your girls that they’ve got it all wrong. If a man makes you feel inferior because your bras are closer to pebble holders than over-the-shoulder boulder holders, he’s not the right man for you. More importantly, there are so many more perks (perky being one of them) to having small boobs.
I’m a proud member of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee, and this broadcast is brought to all you girls who feel less-than for having an uninspiring chest. Your boobs are not “overgrown mosquito bites;” they are boob-tiful (okay, so that play on words didn’t work out like I hoped).
Become a proud member of the IBTC today. If you need a little convincing, here is the extensive list of membership benefits to having cute little lemons instead of melons. By the time you’re done reading, you just might be grateful for your flatness—I know I am.
- You can sleep any which way you want, especially on your stomach, with ease. (Of course, having small boobs won’t help with your neck pain the next morning.)
- You can wear sexy bralettes that give absolutely no support whatsoever, for the sole purpose of feeling cute.
- It’s easier for you to find your bra sizes in the store. Additionally, you can shop in the juniors department for $11 bras as opposed to $50+ bras (as seen in these photos—thank you JCPenney).
- If you have a sexy backless dress or one shoulder top, you can go braless if necessary and not worry about spilling out for the world to see.
- When you work out, boob sweat doesn’t pool into the valley between or crevasses below. Instead, your chest is like the Great Plains—nice and flat. But there’s no river running through it.
- You won’t have back problems when you’re older because there’s nothing weighing you down. We’re just light as a feather.
- You can more convincingly dress up as a man if need-be. Let’s think about this ladies, would Mulan really have been able to save all of China as a man if she had a massive rack? No, Shen would’ve discovered her secret long before she even got to train to Donny Osmond’s classic song.
- You can find one-piece swimsuits easier (unless, like me, you have an abnormally long torso).
- You can go running without the pain of two punching bags slapping you back and forth with each step.
- You don’t have to wear multiple bras just to contain the beasts that are your breasts.
- You can’t lose crumbs in the dark abyss that is your cleavage. Although, some people consider this a downside because you can’t save snacks for later.
- You can go tubing on your stomach for a more exhilarating ride (and not worry about getting slapped in the face by your own breasts).
- You can wear cute workout tops that have sports bras built in. Hello, Lulu Lemon and strappy tank tops! (Oh wait, I can’t afford that.)
- Bras in your sizes are generally cuter and more frilly, whereas boulder holders are strictly designed for maximum support and security.
- Your boobs won’t get saggy as an old lady. Talk about perkiness.
- You can wear button down blouses with ease and not have them pull, nor do you have to worry about your shirt ripping open like Superman.
- Finally, I was always taught As are the best grades to get in school. Why should cup size be any different?
You may think this post is meant to be satirical and funny, but if you could see my face right now, I’m dead serious. Itty bitty boobs are not a joke. They are a gift, as this list of membership benefits has pointed out, and y’all who are fellow sisters in the IBTC should consider yourself proud and blessed.
Long live the small boobs.
Miles of smiles,